Why is parenting harder for an adult with ADHD?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What are the benefits of getting diagnosed and treated as an adult?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How can parents with ADHD reduce stress and improve their parenting?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a story we hear regularly: A child is diagnosed with ADHD and one of their parents realizes that they have it, too. While the parent might be surprised, the professionals aren\u2019t. ADHD runs in families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Parenting with ADHD can be overwhelming. If you\u2019re not treated, you might not have the organizational skills to keep up with your kids\u2019 schedules. You might also find it stressful to manage your child\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s more common for women to learn they have ADHD in adulthood. That\u2019s because ADHD looks different in boys and girls, so not as many girls are diagnosed as kids. And women with ADHD who are stressed out by parenting are often misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you have ADHD, treating it will help you and your children. You\u2019ll be better able to manage their medication, make appointments and do all of the things necessary to make sure your child receives the proper treatment for their own ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If your child has serious behavior problems, which is common in children with ADHD, parenting with ADHD can be especially challenging. To manage your child well, you need to be consistent and calm. You also need to pay close attention to and respond positively to behaviors you want to encourage. And you can\u2019t overreact. That\u2019s hard to do if you also have ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Getting treatment for yourself can improve your parenting skills and reduce everyone\u2019s stress. Treatment often involves stimulant medication and might also include behavioral therapy. You will learn how to become more organized and feel less overwhelmed. It\u2019ll allow you to be more relaxed and comfortable with your children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a story we hear regularly: A child is diagnosed with ADHD and one of his parents, recognizing the symptoms, realizes that he (or she) has the disorder, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s often a surprise to the mom or dad, but to clinicians it\u2019s not surprising. \u201cWe know ADHD is highly familial,\u201d explains Mark Stein, a clinical psychologist and director of the ADHD and Related Disorders Program (PEARL Clinic) at Seattle Children\u2019s Hospital. \u201cThat means 25 percent of the parents of kids we diagnose are going to have it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It also comes as no surprise to Dr. Stein that many parents who meet the criteria for ADHD don\u2019t know it, and haven\u2019t been diagnosed. There\u2019s still a good deal of stigma and lack of understanding surrounding adults with ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Moms and dads with undiagnosed ADHD often find themselves overwhelmed by the demands of parenting and struggling to meet their children\u2019s needs. Lacking organizational skills, they may find keeping up with their kids\u2019 schedules and managing their behavior very stressful. But in the case of moms, they are more likely to be treated for depression than ADHD, notes Dr. Stein, who is also a professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at the University of Washington.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This oversight is unfortunate, Dr. Stein adds, because treating the ADHD that\u2019s underlying their problems would benefit both them and their children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Studies show that intervention for kids with ADHD tends to be less effective when a caregiving parent has ADHD, too. Medication treatment requires a lot of parental organization to make appointments, deal with insurance, fill prescriptions, make sure kids take their meds and monitor side effects, and the child\u2019s treatment is less effective if compliance with the treatment regimen isn\u2019t consistent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Behavioral treatment for kids with ADHD is also less effective when parents have ADHD. \u201cThere are a number of studies that look at behavioral parent training,\u201d notes Dr. Stein, \u201cand the biggest predictor of not responding is if a parent has ADHD.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is especially common for mothers to discover that they have ADHD that was not diagnosed when they were children. That\u2019s because ADHD presents in the two genders differently. Women tend to have the inattentive type of ADHD, rather than the hyperactive\/impulsive or combined types. These women may have been chronically disorganized and underachieving back in school, but since they\u2019re not as likely to be disruptive, they were more often overlooked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\u201cWhen we see moms who are seriously stressed out, being pulled between all kinds of things in their work and their family life, we tend to think of anxiety or depression,\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
adds David Anderson, a clinical psychologist, and director of the ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\u201cThat\u2019s because we associate depression and anxiety more with their gender, rather than seeing the underlying deficit, the ADHD, that\u2019s making it so it\u2019s difficult to manage all of those things.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe hear parents all the time say that they feel like a failure because they know what they have to do, but then carrying it out is so difficult,\u201d notes Dr. Anderson. \u201cManaging the logistics, remembering everything \u2014 they\u2019re feeling really bad about themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a parent who has ADHD, getting a diagnosis itself can help reduce guilt and alleviate stress. \u201cA lot of adults with ADHD don\u2019t realize they have ADHD,\u201d says Dr. Stein. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\u201cThey don\u2019t know why they\u2019ve struggled in school, and perhaps at work and maybe in their marriage, and raising their kids. They\u2019re demoralized and frustrated.\u201d With a diagnosis, he adds,\u201d rather than blaming themselves and thinking that it\u2019s a moral failing, they understand they have this genetic disorder, like their child does.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Treating parents with ADHD<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Getting treatment for a parent with ADHD can improve that person\u2019s parenting skills and reduce stress on the whole family, Dr. Stein notes. Treatment for ADHD often involves stimulant medication, but might also include behavioral therapy. \u201cYou\u2019re able to be better organized and give kids more focused attention,\u201d explains Dr. Stein. \u201cPatients report that they all of a sudden feel less overwhelmed, and they can be more relaxed and comfortable with their children.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When his team works with families in which both a parent and a child have ADHD, Dr. Anderson explains, the team does an inventory with the parent, to talk about strengths and weaknesses. \u201cWe want to be allies with them from the get-go, to figure out how to support both them and their child.\u201d Parents assessing their own capabilities helps the team craft strategies to help them succeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Managing problem behavior in kids with ADHD<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
One of the challenges of parenting children with ADHD is that these kids often have serious behavior problems. They have low frustration tolerance and are prone to tantrums and outbursts when things don\u2019t go their way. Responding effectively to this kind of behavior is difficult for all parents, but more so for someone with ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Managing a child\u2019s behavior successfully requires parents to be consistent and calm, and keep their own emotions out of the equation. Parents need to pay close attention to and respond positively to behaviors they want to encourage. And they need to avoid reacting emotionally to behaviors that are problematic. None of these things is easy if you have ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when parents get treatment for their own ADHD, research shows that their behavior management skills improve, leading to an increase in positive parent-child interactions and more effective direction for their children. Hence treating the caregiver\u2019s ADHD may be a vitally important part of helping the child overcome behavior problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who diagnoses and treats adult ADHD?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Stein sees a shortage of professionals who are comfortable diagnosing and treating adults with ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI think ADHD is where depression was 15 years ago, where it used to be something that only psychiatrists treated. Then it became primary care, and now primary care doctors routinely screen for it. ADHD is very common, but seldom screened for in adults.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Stein notes that physicians get much more training in diagnosing depression and prescribing antidepressants than they do diagnosing and treating ADHD. On top of that, they may be uncomfortable prescribing stimulant medications because they worry about potential abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And organizations that treat children with ADHD are leery about including parents in their coverage. \u201cFamily medicine should be a place that should work for it,\u201d Dr. Stein argues, \u201cbut, again, there\u2019s this discomfort with using stimulants, and so they\u2019re more likely to be tried with an antidepressant. \u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This gap in the medical system, he adds, demonstrates why, for lifelong developmental disorders like autism and ADHD, \u201cwe need lifespan clinics.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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